Published by Deep Silver and developed by EutchnyX, Ride to Hell Retribution is everything you just do not want from a videogame. Riddled with texture pop-ins, bad design, repeated use of assets time and time again, sexism, fully clothed sex scenes; I could go on and on – and for some infuriating reason a requirement that every single scene requires a loading screen and the confirmation to continue this crap with a button press!
I did not think I’d get to review two utterly terrible games in the same week; having just taken a shocking bike ride around digital France in Le Tour de France 2013 100th Edition, I now get to play the worst game of motorbike riding in the world that is based around a story of revenge where a 30 year old man talking like a 10 year old boy has been murdered in front of his brother. If by now you are thinking “WTF!”, it all starts with the return of a war veteran named Jake (the main protagonist) who has come home to a changed and dangerous home town where buff men who look over 40 unable to communicate, patrol the streets in gangs around fast food joints. With his brother, the 30 year old looking guy who talks like a 10 year old, storming out of the house on his uncles motorbike Jake follows pursuit and then everything surrounding Jakes story of vengeance fits into place as his brother is killed by the biker gang. This is the moment that he is after every single one of the gang as part of his revenge.
In between tracking down and chasing men on motorbikes you also get to save a few women who in return offer you sexual favours. A short cut-scene of what is presumed the moment of orgasm in a sexual position whilst both characters are fully dressed plays out on-screen. Every second is a cringe worthy experience you just do not want to witness. It’s a pointless campaign side story every time. It’s very linear game in the third-person perspective and as much as it tries to be some hard-hitting disturbing tale of brutal biker goes after gang, the only disturbing part is that this game really did get published to retail. It’s an absolute joke of a game which I can only ask you to avoid at all costs.
Referring back to the chasing men on motorbikes as you will do this an awful lot, see the same simple scenic view, same lorries, police cars; you simply hold the the RT button and turn left and right on the road to avoid obstacles. It’s so visually bad that most of the road hasn’t even rendered yet whilst you’re racing on it! To make this painful experience more excruciating is that whilst driving, bikers will come up close to your left or right side and you have to press a few buttons in sequence to attack them. With each attack comes the same scene of biker gets stabbed, kicked and falls off motorbike. It just plays out so boring that I ended up wishing to see no more of this rancid rubbish that I can’t believe Deep Silver even published. I feel sorry for those who have purchased the game already as it looks like an alpha form of something that was developed in 2006. You wouldn’t even put this on the Xbox LIVE Arcade, and at most I am sure I have seen some Xbox LIVE Indie games looks better than this!
So, we know the action is hard to find, the gameplay is limiting, visually words fail me, and to top it off there’s only so much shit you can take in one game! I didn’t even complete it because there is no way on this earth I could believe it could improve in any way whatsoever. It’s boring, filled with a ton of cut scenes, bad weapons that fire endless amounts of bullets into enemies who are near on invincible until you punch them. Unrealistic physics, a mass amount of horrendous dialogue, and you will fast tire at seeing the same old Jake ride the same old roads on the motorbike from hell. When you’re not on the motorbike you are just exploring small internal areas and smacking a short horde of enemies in the face with your fist or a wrench until you meet a boss type biker who is a little tougher to beat. It’s a rinse and repeat effort, then more cut scenes, more bad action!
Simply put, just give Ride to Hell Retribution a miss.
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