Tag Archives: Crunching Koalas

Butcher review

Butcher is essentially a fast based 2D side scrolling bullet hell shooter from Transhuman Design and published by Crunching Koalas. Originally released on the PC last October, Butcher is a very hard game; indeed the games’ own tagline is ‘The Easiest Mode is Hard’. Beyond that is ‘Harder’, ‘Hardest’ and then ‘Impossible’. So is it really as difficult as it seems?

You are a cyborg charged with exterminating the last of humanity. This most reductivist plot equates to shooting everything that moves, and everything that moves is shooting at you. The pixelated visuals deliberately evoke the likes of Duke Nukem and DOOM as does the ‘just keep moving and shoot’ gameplay itself. Controls are a bit tricky to begin with and important to master, with the right stick and right trigger aiming your reticule and firing, whilst the jump button is on the left trigger. Movement is on the left stick with ‘down’ allowing you to drop through most floors. Clever level design adds a lot of verticality meaning you are always leaping about on the move from the constant threat that the many enemies bring. As the difficulty levels ramp up, they take away a third of your health and there are no longer any medkits or armour drops, as if it wasn’t already tough enough.

Each level comprises of 4 progressively longer and more difficult grim and grimy stages. Quite often you will get locked into a room and won’t be able to progress until you have cleared out all of the grunts and dive bombing jet pack wearing enemies. You’ll pick up old faithful weapons like assault rifles, shotguns, rail guns and of course, chainsaws to tear through and obliterate the waves of enemies. You will paint the screen crimson with their bloodied entrails as they scream in agony. A loud throbbing industrial metal soundtrack again reminds us of those early 3D shooters, and it does capture the spirit of DOOM. This game is hardcore and it is tremendous fun.

You only get one life to complete a level, the health bar drops quickly on damage and often one false move means you’ll have to start over again. You can certainly clear the early levels in just a few minutes, but after a while, as the levels in the stages get longer and more complex, the red mist and controller rage begins to seep in, and I find at that point it’s best to walk away for a bit. This is definitely a game where you will need to ‘Git Gud’. I found I was not particularly ‘Gud’ and I will admit I laughed when the ‘repeat a single level 10 times’ achievement popped. Before any others had. I should add that if you’re prepared to sacrifice your self respect, a casual mode has been included. This whacks your health up to 400% and doubles the values of pick ups. Apparently…

Thanks to Crunching Koalas and Xbox for supporting TiX.

Prepare to let the insults fly in Oh Sir!

Oh Sir

There’s nothing apparently more enjoyable than throwing around a few well-thought out insults. Indeed, there are some comedians who have made an entire living out of flinging a clever insult at someone. Have you ever hankered after a means to digitally create an well-constructed slight at friends and family? The good news is that very soon, you’ll be able to do just that on your Xbox One. Oh Sir! The Insult Simulator is coming soon to the console.

Choose one of many fascinating characters, each with their own set of insecurities and weaknesses, to battle against either locally or online. You can rack-up combos, continuations and criticals in your quest to make your opponent cry like the squalling, nappy-wearing baby that they are.

Spread affront to everyone in the world that has internet access with Oh Sir, you wrinkly bread-faced moose-puppy. It’s all quite Monty Python in it’s construction. So, don’t let the parrot die for nothing. Tell that grumpy old bat that her husband fancied the rotting goose lying face-down in a pond or that her dog shaved itself in order to gain affection from a certain Z-list celebrity.

Insulting people is fun, that’s a well-known scientific fact and if you didn’t know that, then the cave you’re living in is infested with Piers Morgan and you smell of Elderberries.

Oh Sir will be hitting the Xbox Live Marketplace and running away laughing sometime this Spring.

BUTCHER to spray blood on Xbox One in May

Fast-paced 2D shooter and a blood-soaked love letter to the cult classics of the genre, BUTCHER – developed by Transhuman Design – will be published on Xbox One by Crunching Koalas on May 10.

As a cyborg programmed to eradicate the last vestige of humanity, your sole purpose is to annihilate anything that moves. Grab your weapon of choice (from chainsaw, through shotgun, to grenade launcher) and kill your way through underground hideouts, post-apocalyptic cities, jungles and more. And if you’re feeling creative, there are plenty other ways of ending your enemies’ misery – hooks, lava pits, saws… no death will ever be the same.

If kicking corpses into a lava pit and adorning walls with blood is your idea of a good time, then it seems BUTCHER may well be the game for you.


•Ultra-violent uncompromising carnage in the spirit of Doom and Quake (chainsaw included).

•Release your inner artist, paint the walls with (permanent) blood (up to 4 million pixels available to be painted per level).

•Use the environment (saws, hooks, lava pits, animals and other) to brutally dispose of your enemies.

•Put your reflex and patience to the ultimate test.

•Choose from an array of weapons (featuring classics like chainsaw, railgun and the deadly grenade launcher).

•Soak in the dark atmosphere reinforced by a wicked, heavy soundtrack (while you kick corpses around).

•Die painfully: melt in lava, become piranha food, get crushed by heavy doors… and more!

BUTCHER certainly sounds like it lives up to its name and the classics it means to imitate. We’ll know more in just over a week.

Save the rodents in MouseCraft


What do you get when you cross Tetris with Lemmings and throw in a crazy cat scientist? MouseCraft is what you get, and it looks to be one of the most interesting puzzlers to come out on the ID@Xbox program yet.

Guide your little twitchy-whiskered posse to the irresistable cheese by placing Tetronimos strategically along the route. Use these famous blocks to create a safe path for your mice to traverse to their ultimate fromage-y goal. The in-game action will allow you to freeze the game or to increase the speed at any point to challenge your stacking skills.

You’ll even get the opportunity to create your own maps to show off your evil feline-scientist side.

MouseCraft is due to complete it’s rodent research and be available for the latter half of this year.